I was on vacation the first time I tasted popovers. They looked like extra tall muffins with inflated tops, and they were still warm from the oven, served with butter and jam. They were a revelation. I come from a people of dense and solid breads – banana bread, biscuits, cornbread – and I deeply love those things. But those popovers were magnificent. They were light and airy with huge pockets of emptiness.

I decided I had to learn how to make them.

I purchased popover pans. I found a recipe. I read Food Network and Martha Stewart tips & tricks articles. I tried and tried again.

Do you know how many attempts it takes to successfully make popovers? Yeah, neither do I. They kept turning out like eggy little pucks – not tall, not inflated. And I tried all the things that Martha suggested. After a half-dozen attempts, I couldn’t get them right. So I gave up.

I gave up because I just became too uncomfortable with the number of times I failed, my inability to know what was wrong. And, also, the unhelpful comments from family. Comments like, “is that the way they’re supposed to look?” or “are you trying that again?” Children can be cruel, especially your own.

Confession time: I hate not knowing. I hate making mistakes.

I will go to extreme lengths to avoid those things. I have looked other adults dead in the eye, nodded and mumbled, “mm-hmm, mm-hmm,” – a slight wrinkle between my brows to show that I am considering their words very seriously – and had no earthly clue what they were talking about. Not good, I realize, but that’s how badly I hate to admit that I don’t know…

The problem is, learning, growth, they’re all about making mistakes and not knowing. Make an attempt, fail, readjust, and make another attempt. As children, we have no option but to follow this pattern over and over. Take a few steps, fall down, get up and repeat. Wrap our little fingers around a pencil and make those illegible marks over and over and over. Get behind the wheel of a car and…

[Editor’s Note: Fall down, get back up, blah, blah, blah…okay, we get it. You’re ramblin’, sister. What point are you circling in on? Learning is hard? Check. You’re bad at light and airy baked goods? Also check. Please tell me popovers aren’t really the point here. What else you got?]

Okay, it’s not really about the popovers. It’s about the need to step out of my comfort zone. It feels like it’s time for some growth, in several areas of life, but that means stepping out and trying. That means failing and being ignorant and having to Not Know. Gulp.

I’m scared. There – that’s the point. I talk really big about still having things to learn and things to accomplish (e.g. this post, or this post), but the truth is I’m scared.

What if I can’t? What if there’s too much that I don’t know? What if I fail?

Like a little child, Jesus said. I guess there’s nothing more childish than complete ignorance, is there? But there’s also nothing more childish than genuine trust and hope.

Maybe, just as a first small step, I’ll try those popovers one more time. And once the comfort zone is left behind, then who knows what might happen next…