My parenting job changed again without me realizing it. And there I was, feeling like I was finally starting to get pretty good at the current job, never noticing that I wasn’t needed anymore in that position. It always seems to change just when I feel like I might be getting the hang of it.

I was still trying to be Caretaker when it was time to be Educator. I was still trying to be Educator when it was time to start being Guide.

But not this time. This time I’m determined to get ahead of it. This time the job has changed, and I’m going to figure out what position I’m working in right now.

I’m thinking it might be Coach. I mean, at this point they do have to execute the plays themselves, but they still need someone to provide high-level strategy, right?  Yeah, I think I can work with that title…

Ma’am, I’m going to need you to leave the field.

Oh, no. I’m supposed to be here. I’m a coach, see, I…

No ma’am, according to my records you are no longer a coach here. You are supposed to be seated in the cheerleading section, ma’am.

The cheerleading section? Excuse me? I do not…

Hold on just a moment, ma’am. I’m receiving a communication. Uh huh…uh huh…yeah, got it, I understand. Ma’am, I apologize – you are actually seated in the spectator section now. If you’ll just follow me.

Spectator! Are you kidding me? I can’t be a spectator – spectators take trips to the bathroom and the snack bar and miss plays while they’re getting a hot dog! No, no way that’s me. I’m a coach! I mean, I was just coaching yesterday. So…I’m a coach, right…?

No, ma’am, you’ve actually been assigned to the cheerleading section for a couple of years now. We thought our communications made it clear.

Well, I just assumed that I would have several years at the coach position. I mean, I barely got started…

No, ma’am. You were actually in that position for several years, ma’am. But most of that time you were still trying to be a guide. I had to drag you away from that position, too, ma’am.

I don’t believe I appreciate your tone.

Apologies, ma’am. Now if you’ll just follow me.

I’ll just stop here in the cheerleading section, how about that? That will be okay, right?

Ma’am, you’re supposed to be in the spectator section, remember?

I know, I know. But I promise I will be really good here in the cheerleading section. I just want to be able to see everything, not to miss anything. I will not leave here, I promise – completely contained.

Ma’am, I really shouldn’t. You’re really supposed to…hold on, I’m receiving another communication. Uh huh…uh huh…sounds good. Ma’am, I’ve been asked to let you know that the snack bar is now offering donuts.

Well…I of course love donuts, but I don’t think…

And coffee.

Fine. Let me just get my husband…

He’s already saving you a place in line, ma’am…